Monkey Butt sets in on SS1000
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Saddle Sore 1000 Trip Report (High Z-score)
OK, got this new bike, a Honda GL1800, a big bike and Ive always loved running
down the highway, best therapy Ive ever found. Ran in to the LD
stuff by accident on the internet and after a lot of reading and
thinking said OK, lets go for it. Dont mention the piles of
money spent and wanting to be spent and waiting for winter to ease
off enough to get over 4500 mountains and out of this corner of
So, the wise heads say for the first ride pick a simple route,
slab out and back. OK, I can do that. Would you believe 520
miles down I-5 and then back is not simple enough? Well it wasnt;
after about 7 ½ hours riding my mush-for-brain couldnt remember
if it was Williams or Willows that was the turn around point.
Wasted 5 minutes getting off the slab and checking the map.
Lesson 1 having nice pretty printed tables of where, when and
what inside a fairing pocket you cant open is not useful. Gotta
have a visible and readable set of directions. A GPS might be
a substitute butt.
Had a camelback on the rear seat, and baggies of food all ready.
Figured I had this bit sorted. Ever tried to open a ziplock baggie
with winter riding gloves, thats an exercise in futility for sure.
So ok, at the stop take some out and put it where I can reach it,
thats easy. Dont put little candies on your speedo, they do stay
there (at least on my bike they do) but when it rains they sorta
melt and drip down inside the speedo and get everything all sticky
and its really hard to read through sticky dirty glass, also looks
sorta tacky. Well what about the jerky on the fuel gauge, thats
cool, flip up the visor, grab it with the boxing gloves and stuff
it in your mouth, piece of cake. You try it, cant reach my mouth
only my nose, if I sorta tip my head back and drop it should work,
ah s**t now Ive got a piece of jerky in front of my chin, try
another one, ok, that worked, you try chewing with a piece of jerky
running loose inside the bottom of your helmet, not cool. Now how
about a little water, through the nose? No, well jam it down in
there I can almost get to my mouth.
Lesson 2 if you havent actually done it on a bike you probably
You probably figured out it was cold, low 30s to very low 40s
most of the trip, hit 54 near the turn around when it was really
raining, for about 30 minutes. Butt cold is no problem, Ive got
these fancy lectrics that cost more than an Armani suit, and Ive
been using them for a month so at least thats under control.
Almost. Id sent the thermostat back to change from a portable to
a permanent mount cause the portable made me feel like a walking
bomb, wires everywhere. So that left me with a manual on-off
switch. You try 16 hours 57 minutes of: turn it on, wait till
youre sweating like a pig, switch it off, wait till all the sweat
evaporates and youre frozen, turn it on again; cycle time is about
2 minutes, what a pain.
Lesson 3 lectrics without a thermostat are a real PITA, better
than without though.
Always used a ¾ helmet, butt Mike Bobbit scared the hell out of me
with one of his posts and I got a flip-face, got it a week before
the ride. Gee, whats this anti-fog thing in the box. Hmmm.
After the first ride I understand, seeing is good, you cant see
through fog, fog is bad. Run all over town, get all the different
goops and sprays, they are all guaranteed to work.
Lesson 3 Anti-fog is bulls**t. Keep the visor clean, pop the visor
when you stop. Works like a charm.
Last 3-4 hours of the ride I was occasionally thinking the cruise
control buttons were not working, would hit accelerate or coast
and nothing happened. Mash it harder and it worked. OK, put on
the warranty list for the next service. Did I mention that I have
no idea how people could do LD without either a throttle lock or
cruise control? I use it continuously on the slab, maybe its my
personality, there is no optimal speed except one Im not running
at. Got home and tried to brush my teeth before crashing, gee, my
right thumb doesnt push, anything, at all, its mostly useless.
Took four days to get back to normal.
Lesson 4 ld riding is hard work, youll be sore in places you
didnt know you had places.
Anyway, pulled into the house, did the numbers, compared it to the
planned routing, (love that DeLorme), would you believe, was within
3 minutes of planned all the way down the line.
Lesson 5 planning pays off, never like you think butt it does pay
The week before the ride this list was full of monkey butt posts.
Gee, thats interesting, Ive done 700 miles in a day on a bike,
never noticed anything, glad Im different. At the turn around
stopped for a ½ hour rest break, half-noticed that I wanted to
stand, not sit, and was picking at my pants. By ½ way back I knew
there was trouble down there, it hurt, standing was almost as bad
as sitting. Thats cool, lets ride; ugh thats worse. Sure hope
the major contributor was a lot of sweating and not intelligent
No lesson yet, doing another 1K run this weekend, see if I've